I didn't delve too much into it in my last post, but I had been dealing with a bit of a mini breakdown.
The realisation that I had MS had hit me in a BIG way and what with trying to convince the rest of the world that I was fine thank you very much and trying to maintain that same facade in my private life, it all became a bit messy.
But I dealt with it.
I cried. I felt sorry for myself. I moaned. A lot. I lay on the sofa watching rubbish day time telly and thought about things.
Then I started to put it into perspective, and you know what, I feel ok. And feeling ok has made life so much easier.
I've taken steps to stop my energy levels dropping so even my fatigue is starting to feel manageable.
Don't get me wrong - life isn't perfect, but in this imperfect world I occupy, it's probably as good as it is going to get. And I feel at some kind of peace for the first time in a while.
- And then I was rocked.
- And I am worrying.
- And I feel angry all over again.
- And it is all down to this:
Not content with having made a fortune first time around when the drug was first released to treat some forms of cancer, the drugs companies appear to be having a second bite of the cherry.
They have kindly withdrawn Alemtuzumab until they can get a new licence to sell it as an MS drug.
So this drug, which is helping so many people get on with their lives, is now in short supply to those who desperately need it.
Who knows when the supply will be restored? It's like some kind of nightmare.
You see (and now I am going to rant about why this is a really hard pill to swallow for me) I am now 35 years old. My husband and I would like another child but our plans have been put on hold because it isn't wise to have a baby within six months of having the treatment. Our plans are on hold because we want to get this treatment out of the way so we can concentrate on our family.
I am/was due to have my second dose of the treatment in November. Six months after that we hope to be crossing our fingers that we find ourselves blessed with another child on-the-way. I will be 36 then. Time is ticking on. And who knows if we will even be lucky enough to extend our family but we hope so.
Now we are in a position where my treatment could be delayed and this could mean we are forced to push back our plan to give our son a sibling. And at my age, I can't really afford to delay trying for a baby.
I'm trying not to worry. But I am. In fact, I can't stop thinking about it.
And I can't stop thinking about how getting richer seems to be more of a priority for some. And as a result, an army of people in the Campath Club, like me, who thought their life had been given back after it was snatched by the MS monster are now facing a world of uncertainty and despair again.