Sunday, 23 December 2012

Round robin (of the last six weeks)

Hello there!
Firstly, let me apologise for my slackness at updating this blog.
The blame lies solely at the feet of an online shopping frenzy over the last few weeks in preparation for Christmas.
Thankfully I managed to get it done with all but three returns and two long visits to the sorting office.
Now the planning has all been done and the Big Eat is about to begin. I fear after the festivities, my jeans will be too tight to fit my increased girth into... but hey! I'll worry about that in 2013.
Since my last post, things have been getting better and better. My energy is almost back to full strength and I feel good.
Unfortunately I am still plagued with vertigo. I have all but lost patience with it now and if I still have it after Christmas, I shall be making a trip to the GP. It's surely not normal for a 'temporary' re-emergence of an MS symptom to still be lingering on like this. Is it?
I have avoided meeting people up to now and have successfully managed not to catch any nasty germs which would have hindered my recovery. 
My sick note from work lasts runs out the first week of January. Although I am feeling good, I don't feel ready for the full on pressure work will bring and so I suspect I shall go cap in hand begging the GP for another couple of weeks grace.
I always feel guilty about asking for a sick note. I come from a family who are ingrained with the work-ethic gene that inflicts major torment if illness tries to get in the way of making it into the work place. Got the plague? Pah! It's just a cough. Burned in a fire? Ha! It's just a blister. Scurvy? Eat an orange and stop moaning! 
Me and my family are probably the reason why vile bugs like norovirus spread because we idiotically go to work when we feel awful. Almost revelling in the martyr like status we adopt after struggling into work despite our affliction.
So you can imagine the guilt at not feeling 100% and know work isn't an option and then have to go to the GP for a note. 
I get myself worked up. I rehearse the conversation in my head. I imagine the GP sitting there shaking his head denying me the note. I work out what argument I will use to convince him to change his mind.
I am already worrying about this conversation and I have a fortnight left on my current sick note. 
And then I see the GP and he is kind and patient and nice and I wonder what the heck I have been worrying about.
Over the last few weeks, I've also reflected a lot on MS. I never imagined MS would bring my anything but negativity. But I was wrong. I've had many moments of positivity. 
One of those is meeting (online mostly) people in a similar situation to me. People who although I have never met in person, I consider as friends. These MS friends, know what I am feeling and the emotions I am going through. They know what struggles I face and the fragile state my mind can occasionally be in when I am at my weakest. They know how the future is filled with worry - and hope. And they know because they are where I am. They are me and I am them. And we laugh. And we cry. And mostly we are filled with the hope that it will all be ok in the end. 
So to my friends, may you enjoy a merry Christmas. And let's all hope for a peaceful future.
With love,
Sian x

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